【曼谷】在Joe Wong還沒切除他的乳房、子宮前，他叫Joleen，在新加坡中學就讀時曾經有棕色的膠帶捆綁胸部，因為這樣看起來沒那麼像女人。
因為她捆綁胸部時顯得笨拙且明顯，於是激怒了她的一位近親，哪位親戚打她的頭、拉起她的衣服撕掉膠帶，在這過程中皮膚也被撕傷。
Joleen 小時候便忍著來自這位親戚的傷害，像是毆打、把刀子壓在她的臉上、死亡威脅，甚至花費強迫她治療。那位輔導員竟然告訴她，說跟女孩親吻、牽手是很噁心的事。
『當你天天被毆打、你已對疼痛不再有感覺，只是麻木』Wong這麼說，他是一位31歲的跨性男，目前在曼谷的亞太跨性別網路維權團體工作。
根據專家表示，亞洲是普遍保守及家長式的社會，而這些LGBT（女同性戀、男同性戀、雙性戀、跨性別）群體常面臨家人的暴力，迫使他們適應社會，維持社會的平衡。
根據ILGA（國際男女同性戀聯合會）的數據，全球有78個國家將同性性行為視為非法，有些地區會抓他們進監牢，像巴基斯坦、孟加拉、斯里蘭卡、緬甸、馬來西亞及新加坡。
同運人士表示，這些推動污名與歧視的法律，實際上縱容了家庭暴力，成了隱藏的問題。雖然表面上的數據很少，但實際上這樣的情形是很多的。
為了逃離家暴且尋找歸屬感，亞洲的LGBT群體湧向城市。透過網路及媒體，像Wong那樣一起離開家鄉，往外遷移尋找工作、同性婚姻的人越來越多。
『即使我不在家了，但我覺得前所未有的自在』當他說這句話時聲音深沉、肩膀寬厚、留著鬍子，跟小時候女孩的樣子完全不一樣。
『我丟開那些讓我失望的東西、不見那些毒害我生命的人。現在只剩我，以及我不得不面對的問題』Wong這麼說，他沒有說出是哪個親戚，以避免日益緊張的家庭關係。
在APTN辦公室旁安靜的咖啡館，他一邊喝著水果奶昔，一邊說『我感覺到真正的解放』
隱藏的生活
我們透過skype訪問了人在馬尼拉的IGLHRC（國際男女同性戀人權委員會）亞太專員Ging Cristobal。他表示，跟世界其他地方不一樣，亞洲LGBT會面臨家暴，關鍵因素是『讓家人蒙羞』。他補充到『你不能讓你家人蒙羞，因為那不是社會正常的情形，是禁忌』。許多亞洲家庭把LGBT的親人推進華人所謂的『形式婚姻』裡，為的是讓家長保有面子。
在曼谷的亞太難民網路執行長Anoop Sukumaran表示，他曾處理過一個申請聯合國難民身份的案例。那是一個來自巴基斯坦20多歲的女同志，因為她家人以死亡威脅她在巴基斯坦結婚，於是她兩年前逃離到曼谷。
理論上，年輕的LGBT是受到法律保護的，但他們很多人是默默承受著暴力，若他們反抗就不會有人照顧他們了。
Cristobal說她通常會建議那些依賴家人支付學費的年輕LGBT們尋找支持他們的朋友，然後找一個遠離家裡的大專院校或者工作。『接下來就盡量隱藏自己的身份，不要讓人辨識到你是LGBT』
法律支援可減少暴力
Wong說當他面臨家暴的時候，可能會沒人可以幫忙，他還說『有時候鄰居還是會干預……但即便是警察也沒辦法對家暴做些什麼』
同運人士認為，如果防止對女性及兒童施暴的法律或政策有照顧到性傾向和性別認同不同的人，有助於減少對LGBT族群的家庭暴力。
Cristobal舉例，去年有個在馬尼拉的年輕人透過臉書聯繫他，他的哥哥因為他是同性戀而威脅說要殺死他。她請年輕人去報警，『哥哥不在那邊了，警察來了，留下他們的手機號碼。鄰居們看到警察……會幫同性戀，所以我覺得這可以防止他們對他說些什麼不好的話』
越南同運母子檔 Lily Dinh 及Teddy Nguyen說自從政府非刑事化同性婚姻後，越南的家人對此態度有所轉變。
2013年，越南政府召開了同性婚姻的討論，並邀請了PFLAG（同志親友會）的負責人Dinh代表發言。Dinh在胡志明市透過Skype受訪時說『我認為那是政府人員第一次遇到活生生的LGBT，也是第一次遇到LGBT的家人』
『我們把我們的故事說出來，因為我們希望政府了解我們的孩子在生活中面臨的困境。我覺得官員理解也同情LGBT的族群以及PFLAG成員』
聯合國發展計劃給了越南PFLAG兩萬四千元，可以在六個月內前往五個省份宣導LGBT議題並提升他們的權益。
Dinh說『情況會越來越好的……但要讓政府及社會（特別是農村）清楚了解LGBT族群還要很長一段時間』
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原文網址：
http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/world/2015/04/09/asias-lgbt-people-migrate-to-escape-violence-at-home/
Asia’s LGBT people migrate to escape violence at home
BANGKOK: Long before Joe Wong surgically removed his breasts and uterus, he was Joleen, who once used an entire roll of brown duct tape to flatten her chest in an effort to look less feminine at her new secondary school in Singapore.
A close relative, angered by her clumsy and obvious attempt to bind her breasts, struck her on the head, pulled up her shirt and tore off the tape, ripping off bits of skin in the process.
Joleen endured a childhood of daily beatings from this relative, a knife pressed to her face, a death threat, and forced therapy with an expensive counselor who told her she was “disgusting” for kissing and holding hands with girls.
“When you get beaten every day, you no longer feel the pain, you just feel numb,” said Wong, now a 31-year-old transgender man working with the Asia Pacific Transgender Network rights group in Bangkok.
Across Asia, which is largely patriarchal and conservative, the violence lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people face is often from their own families, who beat them to make them conform and maintain the social balance, experts say.
Homosexual acts are illegal in 78 countries around the world, punishable by jail time in places including Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Myanmar, Malaysia and Singapore, according to the International Lesbian Gay Bisexual Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA).
Such laws drive stigma and discrimination, and essentially condone family violence, though the problem remains hidden, glimpsed through many anecdotes but little data, activists say.
To escape the beatings and find a sense of belonging, LGBT people in Asia flock to cities in their own country, and increasingly – with the Internet and social media easing migration for jobs and gay marriage – many like Wong are leaving their home country altogether.
“I’ve never been more at home than now, even though I’m not at home,” he said, his deep voice, broad shoulders and moustache betraying no sign of his childhood as a girl.
“I removed everything that was bringing me down. I removed the toxic people in my life. Now it’s just me and my problems that I have to confront,” said Wong, who did not identify the abusive relative to avoid further straining family ties.
“I feel really liberated,” he said as he sipped a fruit shake in a quiet cafe next door to the offices of APTN.
Living in stealth
A key reason for family violence against LGBT people in Asia – and the way this region differs from other parts of the world – is the “family shame factor”, says Ging Cristobal, the Asia-Pacific project coordinator for the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission (IGLHRC).
“You do not shame your family, because it’s not part of the norm in that society. It’s a taboo,” Cristobal said in a Skype call from Manila.
Many Asian families push LGBT relatives into what the Chinese call “marriages of convenience”, partly to help parents save face.
One Pakistani lesbian in her mid-20s fled to Bangkok two years ago because she was forced into marriage in Pakistan and was facing death threats from her own family, said Anoop Sukumaran, executive director of the Bangkok-based Asia Pacific Refugee Rights Network, which is helping her as she applies for UNHCR refugee status.
While young LGBT people are theoretically covered under laws protecting children from violence, most suffer in silence for fear they will otherwise have no one to look after them.
Cristobal said she often advises young LGBT people who rely on their family for their tuition to find supportive friends, and then seek a college education or find work away from home.
“Then you try to be stealthy. You try not to give clues that you are an LGBT person,” Cristobal said.
Supportive laws reduce violence
Wong says he could turn to no one for help when he faced violence at home. “Sometimes neighbors intervened… but even police wouldn’t do anything about family violence,” he said.
Activists say including sexual orientation and gender identity in laws, policies and programs to prevent violence against women and children would reduce family violence against LGBT people.
For instance, Cristobal said a young man in Manila contacted her via Facebook last year because his brother had threatened to kill him because he was gay. She told him to call the police.
“The brother was not there any more. Police came and gave their personal mobile number. The neighbors saw the police… were supportive of the gay guy, so I think that regulated them from directly telling him negative things,” she said.
Vietnamese mother-son activists Lily Dinh and Teddy Nguyen say family attitudes in Vietnam have changed since the government decriminalised same-sex marriage.
In 2013, Vietnamese government officials organized discussions on same-sex marriage, and invited Dinh – who heads a small chapter of PFLAG, a group for parents and friends of LGBT people – to speak, along with others from the group.
“I think that was the first time the government officers from the ministry of justice and from congress met LGBT people in real life, and the first time they met with LGBT parents, too,” Dinh said in a Skype call from Ho Chi Minh City.
“We told our stories because we wanted the government to understand the difficulties our children face in their daily lives… I think that the officials understood and felt empathy for the PFLAG members and for the LGBT community.”
The U.N. Development Program recently gave PFLAG Vietnam a $24,000 grant to travel to five provinces over the next six months to raise awareness of LGBT issues and rights.
“Things are getting better … but it will take time for the government and society to understand clearly LGBT people, especially in the rural areas,” said Dinh.
